Thursday, August 7, 2014

Expansion and back to work

I've been meaning to post for awhile now, but can always come up with an excuse! I'm back at work, I went back July 17. It has actually been really good. I was quite nervous to go back-being a new nurse and taking 6 weeks off, I was nervous that I had forgotten everything. My first night back I really got to use my nursing skills. I thought "are you really giving me these patients on my first night back?!" But once I got started I was busy taking care of my patients and didn't have time to worry about what I might forget. Time off is great, but when you aren't able to do much you start to feel worthless. So going back to work for me was good. It was good to feel needed and like I could accomplish things, just nice to do something. So work is going well, good to be back and see friends and catch up with people and get some interaction!

I also started expansion. My first expansion was the end of June, the day before my sisters wedding. I was also nervous for that. I didn't want to be so uncomfortable or in pain for her wedding. The nurse and resident were so nice and reassured me that everything was going to be fine. We started off with only 40mL and they were right I didn't feel bad at all. After that I went in every week to 2 weeks for expansion. I have expansion because they removed all my breast tissue and then put expanders under my pec muscle so they stretch the skin and muscle out until I reach my desired size and get implants. I am not going to lie, the expanders are uncomfortable! You can always feel them, always. This is what the deflated expander looks like:


Looks real comfortable right?? The only thing I can compare it to is wearing a really tight bra all the time. Every week when I go in for expansion they find the port with a magnet, stick the needle in, and insert about 60mL's of saline. My first expansion they did 40 but the rest have been 60mL's. This last expansion we only did 40 again because we are where I want to be size wise. I typically have felt tight after expansion but not really in pain until the last 2. Oh my gosh! The first night I woke up in so much pain, but during the day it wasn't too bad. After that I took a pain pill and muscle relaxer to help me sleep, but was still more uncomfortable than usual. After a few days things seem to get better, then I did it again! I think we are done with expansion now so hopefully no more pain! yay! I don't really have any feeling in my breasts so the injection didn't hurt. I could feel a little poke on the right side and usually just pressure on the left side. My left side was a bleeder though. Which I figured was a good thing because it means I have good blood flow to my breast still and the tissue won't die!

Next I have an appointment with Dr. Agarwal on August 12 to make sure things look good and schedule implant surgery!! I am so excited I can't even explain! The thought of getting these blasted expanders out makes me so very happy!! :) From what I hear this next surgery is a lot easier, I don't think I even stay overnight in the hospital. I just get to wear a sweat surgical bra after for like 3 weeks. As long as they are not as uncomfortable as the expanders I will be fine with anything!

The nurse who has been doing my expansion has been great!! So friendly and nice and reassures me about everything. I am sure I go in with a random question or concern every time and she is always so nice and patient. It is especially nice to have good nurses when you have to sit there with your top off every time you go in and everyone is always looking at your chest! Somewhat awkward but I think I have gotten over that now. I sort of feel like I have disassociated from my "breasts". They really aren't mine anymore, they are more like a medical device cloaked in my skin. Maybe (hopefully) with implants I will feel a little more like myself? For now I have my fake fake boobs! haha. Can't wait to get real fake boobs! Hopefully next update will have a surgery date scheduled.